


not about me, not about you either

by icarusinflight



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Helping each other out, M/M, Mutual Support, Pre-Relationship, references to canon life endangerment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:19:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusinflight/pseuds/icarusinflight
Summary: It’s Hunk’s idea for them to have a celebratory party. They’re post battle, still wearing their armour, still have the sweat and grime on their bodies—and not that Lance wanted to admit it—but maybe even tears. Lance hadn’t really been expecting Keith to join them, but he couldn’t miss it when Matt came in, dragging Keith in with him. Lances watches as Keith takes a juice and moves to stand near the rebels. Lance can’t help but notice that Keith is standing around people, but isn’t interacting with them.





	not about me, not about you either

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilmiyuu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilmiyuu/gifts).



> Written for the VLD Positivity Day for kkoganekrolia who said they love _mutual support_ so I hope you enjy this!

It’s Hunk’s idea for them to  have a celebratory party . They’re post battle, still wearing their armour, still have  the sweat and grime on their bodies—and not that Lance wanted to admit it—but maybe even tears.

Once Lotor is locked away they all gather in the lounge, even the rebels, which includes Matt—and even more surprisingly—Keith. Lance hadn’t really been expecting Keith to join them, but he couldn’t miss it when Matt came in, dragging Keith in with him. Lances watches as Keith takes a juice and moves to stand near the rebels. Lance can’t help but notice that Keith is standing around people, but isn’t interacting with them.

Lance isn’t watching Keith, but he does let his attention drift back over to Keith where he’s standing, almost as if he needs to confirm Keith is still here. He’s not sure when it happens, but between one scan of the room and the next time Lance looks, Keith  is gone . A quick scan confirms that Keith is no longer in the room, and the realisation of that twists Lance’s stomach. He  just  came back— surely  Keith hasn’t left the Castle already.

He can’t shake the feeling of unease he feels at Keith’s absence from the room. This is  usually  his favourite time, they get to celebrate  _ being alive  _ but something feels wrong. He can still remember Keith’s words “maybe not with our weapons” and  they keep playing through his head. He can’t shake the feeling that Keith had expected those words to be his last.

He’s just not feeling the party, and Lance leaves the room not long after—everyone is fading anyway so it’s not like he feels bad for ducking out. His footsteps carry him away from the lounge, down the Castle of Lions hallway, his mind still racing, still stuck out in the quadrant—still facing down the  Galra Battle Cruiser.

Lance’s feet carry onwards, and it’s not until the doorway comes into sight  that  the thought occurs to him, and he doesn’t question it, just picks up the pace until he’s standing in front of the door of the person he can’t stop thinking about.

“Keith.” He knocks—more like pounds—on the door. “Open  up,  dude.”

There’s no response from behind the door, but Lance waits it out—long enough  that  he’s considering leaving, or maybe knocking again. 

Except maybe Keith didn’t come back to his room. There’s no reason for Lance to think he did—it’s just as likely that Keith has already left the Castle, departed back to the Blade’s base of operations.

Which—thankfully—is when Keith opens the  door.

Keith’s changed out of his Blade uniform at least, into his sweats he used to wear around the Castle after a particularly tiring training day. For a moment Lance thinks that ’s a good sign—until he looks further—until he takes in the rest of Keith’s appearance. His posture  is hunched , like even now Keith is trying to guard himself, draw himself in and make the target smaller—and that’s not something Lance  is used to seeing from Keith. Even when Keith’s outnumbered, even when he’s hurting Keith is always on the attack. Keith looks tired, the  sort of  tired that goes bone deep and permeates every part of your body, and even deeper.

Lance looks past Keith, taking in the room behind him—and it’s just as empty as it was last time he was in here. He’s been in Pidge’s room, and Hunk’s and  the y’re both decorated with treasures,  knick -knacks and photos from the planets they’ve been to. But Keith’s room is empty, has always been empty and Lance can’t help but wonder if that means something—if it was a sign he missed last time he was in this room—if he should have known then that it meant Keith hadn’t moved  into to his room, had never really moved into the Castle.

He doesn’t know.

There’s so much he doesn’t know.

But that’s never stopped him before.

“I saw what you  did out there—what you were trying to do.” He doesn’t sugar coat it, just throws the words out there.

Keith ducks his head, but he doesn't respond, and that's that to Lance—Keith's reaction chases away any of the lingering doubts of what Keith was trying—what Keith was going—to do. 

Keith sighs, stepping aside from the door and walking back into his room, taking a seat on his bed. Lance follows Keith in, letting the door slide shut behind him, and he hesitates but  eventually decides to join Keith on the bed, both  of them  looking to the empty wall opposite the bed. In Lance's room he has a poster there; one he picked up from a space mall they've visited since Keith's  been gone . Lance has the sudden urge to drag Keith back to him room, to show him the poster. He pushes the idea from his head, Keith's  probably  flown a hundred different ships since they last talked—he 's not going to care about the poster. 

Keith still hasn't said a word, hasn't acknowledged Lance's accusation, but his silence has answered the query for Lance.. 

“Were you scared?” he asks. When Keith sucks the breath in through his teeth, when he twists his hands into his pants Lance knows he ’s not going to get the truth—so he drives forward with his own confession—nothing gambled, nothing gained. “I was.”

Keith’s eyes shoot up, and the movement is enough to drag in Lance's gaze, causing them to lock eyes. Keith's dark purple eyes look so tired and hurt, and Lance considers leaving it there, but he's started this thing now and he feels like he needs to get it out, needs to tell someone, and Keith is  _ here, _ he knows Keith will get it. 

“I thought I  was going to die, I thought we were all going to die.”  He feels the tears prick at his eyes and he closes his eyelids, trying to prevent the tears from falling and blocking out the world.  He can feel the memory of that feeling—the panic—returning to him with his words.  He takes a deep  breath, and grips his legs beneath his hands, trying to anchor himself with the hold. “I thought I’d die—and that I’d never see my family, my mom, and my brothers and sisters ever again. And that—they’d never even know what happened to me . I’d have just disappeared and never came back.”

He chokes on the last words, and he can feel the tears on his cheeks. Part of him feels angry at himself for this confession—this wasn’t why he came in here, he didn’t intend to come in and ramble about himself but he needs to get the words out.

The touch at his hand is a surprise, and the shock interrupts his thought train. His eyes fly open, head jerking to look sideways to find Keith already looking at him.

“You’re here,” Keith  says softly , reassuringly,  “you made it, we all made it.”

“Yeah.”  _ Not because of anything we did though _ —he thinks but doesn’t add. “Well enough of my blabbering,” he says with a weak laugh. Keith’s hand is still on his, resting  gently  on top of it and Lance doesn’t want to disturb it—even if he doesn’t  really  want to think about why—so he uses his free hand to wipe the tears at his eyes, before starting again. “So, were you scared?”

Keith looks away, looking back to the opposite wall, but he doesn’t move his hand.

“ I didn’t,” he admits, his voice quiet, but it still sounds so loud in the space between them. “ I didn’t  really  think about it.  I just … did.” Keith takes a deep breath, and Lance thinks that ’s all he ’s going to say until Keith continues, “Afterwards I felt weird though. Just—distanced. From myself.”

_ Shock _ —Lance thinks, or maybe dissociation. It wouldn’t surprise Lance if Keith dissociated—the eerie calm Keith will get sometimes reminds him of his older sister, how she’d just withdraw from everything, close in on herself.

“Is that—does that feeling happen to you often?” Lance asks, curious.

“Sometimes. After… all of it. It takes a while to get back to feeling… right. To feeling like me.”

It sounds the same as how his sister described it—or some of it at least. When she used to get like this, sometimes he’d just hang around her, stay nearby, be with her without getting in her space. He doesn’t know what Keith wants—what would help him, but he wants to do something—to help Keith somehow.

His eye catches on Keith’s hand where it’s still resting on top of his, and Lance  is touched a little that Keith extended it in the first place, and that he hasn’t withdrawn his hand yet. It’s a little thing, but Lance can’t help but think it’s something—a sign maybe that Keith is trying to reach out.

Lance doesn’t  try to  question it, just turns his hand underneath Keith’s, moving to hold his hand and interlace their fingers. Keith fingers twitch in his, but he doesn’t draw away, and when Lance squeezes his hand, Keith returns the pressure, squeezing back.

“Hey, do you  wanna watch something cool with me? It might help you—help us both—to unwind a bit .”

“That sounds nice,” Keith agrees.

Lance pulls out his phone, bringing up the holographic display. “So while you were with the Blades we did this thing called the Voltron Show.” Keith looks intrigued, and Lance continues, “it  was meant to drum up support for Voltron—and it worked—but these are  pretty  silly and fun. I  just  thought you might enjoy them.”

Lance hits play before Keith can ask  any  questions. They shuffle back on the bed, leaning against the walls and a little on each other, and they’re linked hands held between them. Keith perks up when the announcer says “and the Red Paladin, Keith” and laughs  softly  when Allura is the one to walk out.

The show is over quickly , and Lance is bringing up the next video before he even asks “Another?” but Keith agrees anyway.

Lance hits play on the next video, and the video after that, even as he struggles to keep his eyes open. When Lance’s eyes drift to Keith his eyes are still open, but only just, and his head is leaning back against the wall. He follows suit, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes, listening to the sound of the familiar show playing. He lets himself drift, knowing  that  he ’s going to fall asleep now, here, on Keith’s bed, with Keith. 

But that’s a problem for tomorrow Keith and Lance, and here and now he lets himself fall asleep to the sound of the video and the feel of Keith’s hand in his.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Comments and Kudos give me life  
> Find me at tumblr at [candybarrnerd](http://candybarrnerd.tumblr.com/)


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